Wednesday, December 31, 2008

grudges and prisoners

When I was going to college on my first year, there were some major misunderstandings and quarrels that happened between my classmates and me. We were all blockmates at that time and after that trimester, we will all be de-blocked. We will be not be classmates anymore, unless we choose the same courses on the same time.

Anyway, I'm a very straightforward person and sometimes I lack subtlety when I speak to others. It seems that I offended a couple of my classmates without knowing it. Well, I have a tendency to correct other people when they're wrong, especially when they are close to me. I was thinking: its okay to be pronounce it wrong or say the wrong word when you're with me because we're close. i don't really give a shit but sometimes its quite embarrassing when you make those mistakes in front of other people. I meant well but it seems that they didn't take it that way. They thought I was belittling them but that was not my intention. I didn't know they were already holding a grudge against me.

And did you know what hurt me most? They were my friends.

But it doesn't matter, does it? They made my other classmates took sides with my so-called friends. I should've noticed sooner. I should've become more aware but I cannot make my other classmates choose sides. I'm not like that. I still had classmates who are loyal to me and remained my friends amidst all that was happening. But I didn't ask them to choose sides. I couldn't. I know what it felt like to be forced to choose sides and I don't want to put them in that position.

But that's all behind me now.

I decided to let it all go. To continue with how I'm living my life and to just allow them to live their own lives. That is the only way I will be free of them. If I keep it all bottled in my heart, to see them as my enemies, will I truly be free? I will just become an embittered person. I will hate the world and everybody. I will just become even more depressed than I was at that time.

But I decided to let it go.

Let them have their life. Just hope they're happy. The best revenge is to continue to be happy despite all that they did to you.

And you, are you truly free?

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