Thursday, November 26, 2009

love letter: confession

Dear You,

I will confess. I will confess here because I cannot tell anybody else.

I feel like its been years, even though it has only been days. I want you to send me a message. I want you to tell me to stop ignoring you. I want you to get mad at me and demand that I reply to whatever message you send. I want you to tell me you miss me because I miss you terribly. A miss call is fine. Anything is fine, as long as I know that you think about me too. It's stupid. Totally and incredibly stupid for me to hope something like this. I feel hurt. My chest hurts and I want to cry because I feel like losing me means no consequence to you. Its bad but I'm wishing that you hurt too.

But I know that is not the case. You don't care about anything. Me or my opinions, they mean nothing to you. To you, they are unimportant. I feel like I've been drowning in cold water. Hard to breathe and with little warmth.

This is what I get for not listening to Sartre and Camus. "Act without hope. Hoping will disappoint you." I was aware of this but I thought that its a risk worth taking. Hoping that it will work out is probably the stupidest thing I did. Hoping that you feel the same way about me is the stupider than the stupidest thing.

And now, I'm no longer making any sense. My brain is turned into mush and I feel 10 years older. God knows, I'm still missing you now. And I bet you're playing video games at your friend's place, laughing and having fun, while I sit here and write this idiotic love letter I don't want you to read and I know you'll never read.

I'm young. I'm so going to get over this. It doesn't feel like I'm quitting on chocolates so I'm probably doing quite well. You may notice I have a flare for drama. Its all part of my charm.

All my chocolates,


roentarre said...

Interesting monologue and it is hard not to reply to you after reading this piece

Paige said...

Roentarre - thank you

Jeca said...

Nice words for those not-so-nice feelings you got there. You said it yourself. I'm young. I'm so going to get over this."

Paige said...

Jec- I'm going to get over it because its the only option worth choosing. LOL

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