Saturday, March 21, 2009

how to get what you want? diplomacy 101

Well, I have discovered a formula - or something of that kind. This does not always work, but its a good guideline to follow. Use at your own risk.

1. Know what the person you're talking to wants or needs. This is very important. If you don't know what he/she wants, how can they give you what you want? You must be prepared to give what the other wants so that you can get what you want in return. In diplomacy, you cannot get everything for free. Always think that there is something you always have to give up, in return for getting something. There is always a catch.

2. Keep your smile on, or use a poker face. Either way, never say what you're really thinking, especially if what you're thinking is not really pleasant to hear. Always remember that everything you say can be used against you. Be careful what you say, speak slowly so that you can keep track of what you're saying.

3. Beware of the gatekeepers of power. Do not be rude to secretaries, janitors, cashiers, and etcetera. Be nice to them; remember that they have access to the person who can give what you want. These gatekeepers can be an important source of information.

4. Remember to be subtle. Do not be crude, harsh, or rude. Subtlety is the best policy.

5. In lieu of the forth point, sugarcoat your words, convert your real sentences to diplomatic sentences.
e.g. We are forcing you to attend the conference.
conversion: We strongly encourage you to attend the conference.

We do not want to partner with you.
conversion: We are afraid that our partnership with you cannot push through.

there are more conversions available, there is no single way to say things but the important point here is to make what you're saying as pleasant to hear as possible.

6. In lieu of the fifth point, never use the word force. Its the perfect formula for failure. Use strongly encourage, would very much appreciate it if.., or something of that kind.

7. Remember numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.


Maybe I should write about power next time. It's fascinating.

8 comments:

HalfCrazy said...

Thanks for all the tips, I think this can also be used for Business LOL.

I don't understand people who are rude to "Gatekeepers".

Ridwansyah said...

Good tips. maybe at the first time isn't easy to know but we must try it wisely. Thanks for information.

Anonymous said...

How Machiavellian!

JecaOnline said...

These are fascinating. I wonder now if you used these to me yesterday. LOL.

Tina said...

Excellent tips! I know someone that never smiles at interviews because she doesn't want to come off as "fake". She never gets the job:(

http://passiveandaggressive.blogspot.com/

Paige said...

I think I've been caught by somebody from the IS department.. One of my professors perhaps? Oh no, they have seen my true nature.. A Machiavellian! partly.. hahaha Blogging is so interesting...

Anonymous: Yes, it is Machiavellian.

Jeca: Subtlety is the best policy. The trick is one should never know if you're using the guidelines or not.. I may or may not be using it..

shadowmoon said...

Nice tips.
You have to practice your way with the words as it makes lots of difference.
But beware as what some people hear is not what you're saying! It's best to know with who you're dealing with beforehand! If not possible than be extra careful!
These tips can help a lot for sure.

Vinay Rai said...

VERY GOOD TIPS.ESPECIALLY KEEPING THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE. SMILE MAKES PEOPLE DO WHICH THEY NORMALLY WONT. LOVELY UNDERSTANDING OF PEOPLE'S PSYCHE.

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