Monday, March 29, 2010

First step first

It's been a long time since I wrote something. I was quite busy with this and that. Thinking about this and that. I was trying to keep very busy. We just finished our thesis draft and we'll be defending it after a week, I hope it goes well.

Just recently, I went in an endurance training in swimming. I asked the coach there to allow me to join the two newbies in their training even though I don't have any plans in joining the varsity. They said yes and now, I'm in training! I love swimming and I'm totally enjoying it. I made new friends too. To tell you the truth, I did this partly because I wanted to keep very busy. I wanted to be so tired, I'll go to sleep without thinking about Le Jerk. Is there a rule book in moving on? I don't think so and I'm coping in the best way I can, in the most enjoyable way I know - swimming.

We're still communicating - me and Le Jerk. It might be stupid but that's how it is. I'm not sending him messages, and all that. When he sends me one, I reply and that's it. If sometimes he doesn't reply back, I get a little irritated and then I catch myself. I watch that feeling, where it's coming from - an attachment. Its like I feel he's obligated to do stuff for me when he's not. I'm attached to him and that's where the problem lies.

I decided I should just let him go - my feelings for him. The attachment makes me feel loaded. Its a heavy feeling - like I want to cry. I decided I should just let things happen as they should. I might meet someone else, or not, and that's okay. I was thinking, I don't even need him in my life. I am already complete - just by myself. Why the hell am I pining for this guy? I am glad of the realization. There are some stuff that even though other people already tell you, you won't get it unless you realize it for yourself.

Hey, I'm not saying me and Le Jerk are over. Its not over 'til its over and when its over, its over. Haha. Let's just work on the attachment first, shall we? One at a time.


Jeca said...

One step at a time. :) Goodness, I'm jealous you can go swimming anytime you want!

Paige said...

You should go swimming also. Your university has a pool too, right?

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