Saturday, March 24, 2007

its ok to skip this.. you won't understand anyway.

ok here it goes..

I'm acting a little weird and I'm feeling a little freaky... When we were at a Roma's place this afternoon, my friend stated that I was being weird. I heard it.. I mean I really heard it - like some lightning flashed through my head. I knew it, but I needed to hear it - from someone I know.

It's very ironic, you know. I'm happy. I'm happy because I could leave all of this easily. I'm happy because I learned the art of letting people and stuff go. I'm happy because I could be insentive to what people would think about me and be sensitive enough to know what they feel, how they think and act. But most of all, I'm unhappy because despite all this I'm being so restless.

Here's the thing: I don't want to think. And do you know what's so sad about it? I just can't help it. It's really freaky because I'm being very anti-social. That would mean only one thing: HIBERNATION. For one thing, I feel all these feelings that other people feel and I don't want to. I mean I want to, but I want to feel it at will. It's getting out of control. I get frustrated around so many people- you know, feeling what they feel. I can't stop thinking because its so good, I'm frustrated already. ahaha..

Another: I declare things and most of the time they happen. I really want to think its a coincidence.. Believe me... I really want to.. I must try to get a hold of my tongue before I say what's inside of my head and make people think I'm a real freak. I already think that I am and it wouldn't help if other people would think like that as well, right?

So I'm practicing it. I want to learn it - alone. Without crowds around me. Familiar people - okay. Big crowds - no way.

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